Attention: Investors


[photo courtesy 9stars]

Via text...

ME. Our next mil: Mini-Horse 'Scenes from Late 90's NBC Must See TV Reenactment' Wall Calendar
ME. We might need to work on the pitch.
ANNA. Ok seriously though: that is genius.
ME. Um I KNOW
ANNA. I mean the Ross and Rachel horses alone are like a mil
ME. Please do not forget ER
ANNA. Fuckkkkk
ANNA. I will be your caroline in the city consultant on this project
ANNA. Or really any project




Sandwiches for Hot People


[photo courtesy adwriter]

The things I need keep finding their way to me: furniture, a bus pass, a box of fresh vegetables. All three are going to good use.

sliced Vienna bread
fresh roma tomato, sliced
cucumber, sliced
green komatsuna
Annie's artichoke-parmesan dressing

Place box fan in window. Turn up high. Peel off clothes and sit on floor in your underwear. Drink a tall glass of water with ice and sliced cucumber.

Eat sandwich, slowly, savoringly. Wish it was summer all year round.




Things I Never Regret


[photo courtesy tarop]

  • eating a really good cupcake
  • peeing before I leave
  • taking the long way
  • making a list
  • saying I love you
  • giving thanks
  • bringing a pen
  • telling the truth
  • showing compassion
  • asking for what I need
  • wearing comfortable shoes
  • coming prepared
  • keeping my commitments
  • listening to my gut
  • forgoing sleep to spend time with someone I love
  • being generous
  • leaving something better than I found it



So Many Doors, So Many Gurneys


[image courtesy archeology.org]

ANNA. (via text) I just read the "cave cows" gchat we had and decided we need some sort of gchat-based book deal.
ME. (via text) Three words for you: No. Freaking. Doi.
ANNA. (via text) Duh Aficionado Magazine Presents:

===


From January...

ANNA. why do civilians say 'ER'
ANNA. and medical people say 'ED'?
ME. theory: the tv show
ME. which could not be called "ED" because people would think it was someone's name
ANNA. i like this theory
ANNA. but that show started in 1994
ANNA. and i'm pretty sure i never heard my mom say 'ED'
ME. well before that there was an old-timey radio show called "ER"
ANNA. oh right, and i forgot about the restoration drama "Le ER"
ANNA. by moliere
ANNA. so many doors!
ANNA. and gurneys!
ME. and of course eventually caveman drawings
ANNA. that's a clear endpoint
ANNA. with those cows
ANNA. the famous ones
ANNA. in france or something
ME. famous cave cows
ANNA. "cave paintings as explained by someone who hates cave paintings"
ME. they're just so overdone
ME. it's like, we get it with the buffalo
ME. show me something new

(pause.)

ME. also they are not cows
ANNA. i'm from wisconsin
ANNA. i assume everything is a cow until proven otherwise

(pause.)

ANNA. they really look like cows to me

(pause.)

ANNA. HAHA THEY ARE COWS
ME. prove it
ANNA. http://www.culture.gouv.fr/culture/arcnat/lascaux/en/
ANNA. it's literally called "The Hall of the Bulls"
ME. "There are almost 600 depictions of animals in Lascaux. The horse is the predominant animal whereas there is about the same number of stags, last come the ibex and bison."
ANNA. i didn't say there weren't other animals
ME. http://www.culture.gouv.fr/culture/arcnat/lascaux/en/ic/graphe.gif


ME. i do not see 'cows' on this graph
ANNA. aurochs?
ANNA. what?
ME. that's not a thing
ANNA. OH DAMN
ANNA. YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?!?!
ANNA. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aurochs
ANNA. a fucking cow, that's what
ME. oh shit
ME. they are cows

(pause.)

ANNA. ok i just thought about this discussion
ANNA. and started convulsing with laughter
ME. i literally was just like
ME. "i need to write a blog post entitled:"
ME. "the time that anna and i had a massive fight"
ME. "about whether or not the cave drawings were of cows"
ME. but then i decided that title was too long
ANNA. "why aren't you and laurie friends anymore?"
ANNA. "cave paintings"
ME. "i don't want to talk about it"




What's Good for Me


[photo courtesy massdistraction]

"Once we make our relationship choices in an adult way, a prospective partner who is unavailable, nonreciprocal, or not open to processing feelings and issues, becomes, by those very facts, unappealing. Once we love ourselves, people no longer look good to us unless they are good for us."

- David Richo, How to Be an Adult in Relationships

[order]

===

Possible contenders for Best Sandwich in the World:

fromage et chocolat

  • good sourdough bread
  • high quality dark chocolate chips
  • extra sharp white cheddar, sliced
  • fresh grated Parmesan (optional)
  • butter (optional)

Butter the outside of the bread. Fill the middle with chocolate and cheese. Press between a hot sandwich press and pair with a tall, ice cold glass of water.


honey ham & shallot confit

  • 7-grain french bread, toasted
  • quince & apple's shallot confit [link]
  • honey-glazed ham
  • smoked turkey
  • fresh spinach
  • extra sharp white cheddar, sliced
  • mayonnaise

Spread one slice of bread with mayonnaise and the other with shallot confit. Fill with meat, cheese, and greens.

===

Life's really good, y'all. I hope you're feeling it.




Re: The Thing You Left On My Doorstep


[photo courtesy designwallah]

Y'all, I have been saying some seriously hippie shit lately. I just want to put that out there.

I've used the phrase 'spiritual journey' no less than three times in the past twenty-four hours. I talk about the Universe like it's someone I could text from the goddamn bus stop. I am a mere hop, skip, and a downward-facing dog from hanging crystals from the rafters and saying nonsensical things about my chakra.

Dear Laurie,

Let's tone it down a little.

Sincerely Yours,
The Universe

The truth is that I am both lost and found, simultaneously. Or rather, I have found that I am lost, which is, I believe, its own kind of compass. I am closing my eyes and I am waiting for North to tell me where it is.

I don't want to keep making the same mistakes. I don't want to be so closed to it. I want to be not fearless, but without fear. I want to be open-hearted, ego waiting quiet on the doorstep while the grown-ups do their business.

But most of the time, my heart's hiding, or shriveled, or working against itself. And most of the time, my ego's ringing the doorbell like its finger's stuck on the buzzer. And most of the time, I think existentialism sounds easier, because at least then you know what you're working with.

Anyway, I'll get back to you on the crystals.

This is where I am today.