I am so happy today, y’all. And do you know why I am so happy?
BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE TO GO TO WORK TONIGHT.
A ten hour work day has never felt so luxurious. I feel compelled to burst into an elaborate song and dance number.
Speaking of song and dance numbers, my coworker and I discovered last night, while listening to Mahler’s Fifth and washing dirty coffee mugs, that our refrigerator hums an F# and our dishwasher is a B. I danced around the kitchen and made up a new song called “I’m Making a Turkey Club (Oh Yeah)”.
I’m making a turkey club
It’s gonna be so good
(repeat x 14) (or until customer starts banging on the counter)
In completely unrelated news, I have like eighty-four dates lined up for the next week. This does not change my doomsday view of my dating future, but I’m hoping I’ll at least get a funny story out of it. I’m about due for a funny story.
One hijinks-ensuring factor is the fact that I have only one night off next week… which clearly means that I need to have all of these dates at the same time, in different parts of the same restaurant. I’ll bring the groucho glasses if you bring the upside-down newspaper.
Oh, and. I was at work last night, weighing out some lemongrass yerba mate for a whiney customer when I overheard a couple in line who were clearly on a blind date. I finished weighing the tea for Grouchy McGroucherson, turned around, and… dudes, I am 96% sure that Blind Date Guy is one of my blind dates! Awkward Fest ’08!
Extra awkward fest because I think he overheard me bitching to my coworker about Sir Grouch-A-Lot. Oops! Plus, if it is the same guy, it’s maybe not going to work because the girl he was with was, like, sorori-pretty, you know what I mean?
Speaking of sorori-pretty, I’m thinking of chopping off my hair and going back to brown. Thoughts? Comments? Discreet yawns?