I recently re-joined OkCupid for what is, I think, the third time. It always seems like a good idea initially, but soon I find myself picking my way through the wreckage of PartyDude69 and LuvRod81’s proclamations of undying lust.
Many of the people on OkCupid are not this creepy. Some of them are perfectly nice, normal people with whom I would not be caught dead spending an afternoon.
And once again, I find myself facing the Ghost of Relationships Past. I’ve always dated interesting, intelligent, passionate people who are full of exciting plans and fascinating stories. The flip side is that I have historically dated wonderful men who loved me but were too independent to be a real partner. I have exclusively dated men who made major life plans without consulting me, balked at calling me their girlfriend in public, and seemed to have a bottomless need for more “me” time.
This trend obviously needed to stop.
And so I stopped it.
And I stopped it by completely ceasing to date anyone for almost two years. I’ve needed these two years to grow up a little and make some changes and have a little “me” time of my own. Unfortunately, now that I’ve successfully disembarked the relationship train, I’m not sure how to re-board.
I recently finished Eat, Pray, Love and I didn’t care for it much overall but this quote really resonated with me:
… some vital transformation is happening in my life, and this transformation needs time and room in order to finish its process undisturbed… basically, I’m the cake that just came out of the oven, and it still needs some more time to cool before it can be frosted. I don’t want to cheat myself out of this precious time. I don’t want to lose control of my life again.
But then I see people all around me who are old and alone and I think that maybe they waited too long for their frosting. I don’t know.